By Natalie Maximin
My journey as a single mother caring for my neurodivergent 18-year-old son has been challenging in ways that are sometimes difficult to put into words. I understand how difficult this journey can be for other mothers and carers who find themselves in a similar position.
It can be an incredibly lonely journey. There are so many things that need to be in place to support a neurodivergent young person, particularly when they are experiencing difficulties with their mental and emotional wellbeing. Their minds may process the world differently, and changes in mood, anxiety, isolation and difficulties with communication can have a significant impact—not only on the young person, but also on the parent caring for them.
As a single mother, carrying many of these responsibilities largely on my own can leave me feeling isolated, emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed. There have been days when everything has felt hopeless, boring and insignificant, when it has seemed as though the world was coming to an end and there was nowhere to run. The constant responsibility of trying to understand my son, support him and find the right help can be exhausting.
My son is very intelligent, smart and well spoken. He is talented and has many wonderful qualities. Yet behind those strengths, he is also experiencing significant challenges. One of the difficulties he has faced is a struggle with his identity and sense of belonging, alongside anxiety and depression.
As a mother who cares deeply about her child, it is incredibly difficult to watch your child struggle on a daily basis. You want to protect them, take away their pain and find the right answers, but sometimes you simply cannot. I have tried everything I can think of to support my son. Yet there have been moments when I have felt that I am failing and that nothing I do is enough.
I have come to understand that being intelligent or talented does not mean that a young person will automatically know how to manage their emotions, navigate relationships, understand their identity or cope with the pressures of becoming an adult. A young person can appear confident, articulate and capable while privately struggling with anxiety, isolation, low mood or a feeling that they do not belong.
Understanding the Neurodivergent Mind
A neurodivergent teenager or young adult between 16 and 18 does not have one particular type of mind. Neurodiversity encompasses a wide range of neurological differences, including autism, ADHD, dyslexia and others. Every young person is an individual, and their experiences will be different.
However, some neurodivergent young people may experience certain aspects of adolescence differently from their neurotypical peers.
They may experience emotions very intensely. Stress, frustration, anxiety or excitement can sometimes become overwhelming, particularly when several things happen at once.
They may have a strong need for predictability. Changes to plans, routines, environments or expectations can be difficult to process. Having structure and knowing what is going to happen can provide a sense of security.
Sensory differences can also affect everyday life. Sounds, lights, smells, clothing, touch or busy environments may feel extremely intense for some neurodivergent young people, while other sensations may barely register.
Communication can be different too. Some young people may interpret language very literally, find unspoken social expectations difficult to understand, or struggle to explain what they are feeling. Difficulty expressing emotions should never automatically be mistaken for a lack of feelings or a lack of care.
Some neurodivergent young people also develop strong interests and talents. These interests can become important sources of enjoyment, confidence, identity and connection with others.
Executive functioning can present another challenge. A young person may be intelligent and fully capable of completing a task but struggle with planning, organising, starting the task, managing time, remembering instructions or moving from one activity to another.
At 16–18, young people are also navigating a major transition into adulthood. Friendships, relationships, education, employment, independence and identity can all become increasingly important. For some neurodivergent young people, these changes may feel particularly difficult.
They may desperately want independence while still needing considerable support. They may want privacy and control over their own lives while simultaneously struggling with things that may appear straightforward to other young people.
The Impact on Parents and Carers
One thing that is sometimes overlooked is the impact that caring for a struggling neurodivergent young person can have on the parent.
When you are a single parent, there may be no other adult in the home to share the emotional responsibility, the appointments, the difficult conversations, the paperwork, the sleepless nights or the uncertainty about what to do next.
You can spend so much time fighting for your child’s wellbeing that you forget that you are also a person who needs support.
The isolation can be particularly painful when your child withdraws from you. As a mother, you may desperately want to help, but your child may not always be able or willing to communicate with you. You can be physically present in the same home but feel emotionally very far away from each other.
This can leave a parent questioning themselves:
Am I doing enough?
What am I missing?
Why can’t I make things better?
Where can I get the right help?
These questions become extremely heavy when there is little support around you.
The Wider Support System
Through speaking with other parents and carers in the UK, I have heard many similar stories from people who are at their wit’s end and do not know where to turn. Parents often feel that they are constantly trying to navigate different services, professionals and systems while also trying to care for their child at home.
It can feel as though parents are expected to understand a complicated system while they are already emotionally exhausted.
I also had the opportunity to speak with a justice prosecutor, who shared their experience of seeing neurodivergent children and young people enter the criminal justice system. What particularly stayed with me was the concern that some young people may reach that point without receiving appropriate support early enough.
This made me think deeply about prevention
What could happen if vulnerable young people received the right support before they reached crisis point?
What if parents were given the information, guidance and practical support they needed earlier?
What if neurodivergent young people were better understood by the services they come into contact with?
For me, these are not simply questions about individual families. They are questions about how we, as a society, support neurodivergent young people and their families as they move from childhood into adulthood.
A Message to Other Mothers and Carers
I want other mothers and carers to know that they are not necessarily failing simply because they cannot solve everything.
Sometimes we put enormous pressure on ourselves because we love our children and desperately want to protect them. But there are challenges that cannot be solved by a parent alone.
As parents, we can listen, advocate, encourage, support and continue looking for help. We can create safe environments and remind our children that they are valued. But we also need support ourselves.
My son’s neurodivergence does not define his entire identity. He is intelligent, talented, articulate and capable, and he has qualities that make him unique. His challenges are real, but they are not the whole story of who he is.
And my journey as his mother is not simply a story of struggle. It is also a story of love, resilience, learning and determination.
I continue to hope that with greater understanding, earlier intervention and better support for neurodivergent young people and their families, fewer parents will have to feel as alone and helpless as many of us currently do.
Most importantly, I have learned that asking for help is not a sign of failure. Sometimes it is one of the strongest things a parent can do—for themselves and for their child.
A Call for Change
My story is not only about my son. It is about thousands of neurodivergent children and young people across the UK whose needs can be misunderstood, overlooked or addressed only when they reach crisis point.
It is also about the mothers, fathers and carers who are fighting every day to keep their children safe, supported and hopeful while often feeling exhausted and alone.
I believe we need to do better.
We need a system that listens to families before they reach breaking point, rather than waiting for a crisis before meaningful support becomes available.
To the UK Government
We need greater investment in services that support neurodivergent children and young people and their families.
Support should not depend on how persistent a parent is, how well they understand the system, or how severe a crisis becomes.
Families should not have to fight repeatedly to prove that their children need help.
Early intervention should be a priority, not something families have to fight for after reaching crisis point.
To the NHS and Mental Health Services
Neurodivergent young people need mental-health services that understand neurodiversity and recognise that anxiety, depression, isolation, identity difficulties and emotional distress can present differently from person to person.
Early support matters.
Waiting until a young person reaches crisis point can have devastating consequences for the young person and their family.
Parents and carers also need someone to turn to. Supporting the wellbeing of the young person must include recognising the wellbeing of the person providing their care.
To Schools, Colleges and Education Providers
Education should be about more than academic achievement.
A young person can be intelligent, talented and articulate while still struggling profoundly beneath the surface.
Teachers and educational professionals need the knowledge, training and resources to recognise when a neurodivergent young person is struggling emotionally, socially or psychologically.
A young person’s behaviour should not automatically be interpreted as laziness, defiance or lack of ability.
Sometimes behaviour is communication.
We need to ask what is happening underneath the behaviour and what support the young person may be trying to communicate that they need.
To Social Care and Community Services
Families need accessible, coordinated and practical support.
Parents should not have to navigate multiple disconnected services while trying to care for a vulnerable young person.
We need services that communicate with one another, listen to families and recognise the realities of caring for a neurodivergent young person approaching adulthood.
Parents should be treated as partners in supporting their children, not as obstacles to the system.
To the Criminal Justice System
We must ask an important question:
What support could have been provided before a vulnerable neurodivergent young person entered the criminal justice system?
Prevention must be taken seriously.
If a young person has been struggling with unmet needs, mental-health difficulties, exclusion, isolation, exploitation or a lack of appropriate support, simply responding after they enter the justice system is not enough.
Neurodivergent young people who come into contact with the criminal justice system need to be understood as individuals. Their neurological differences, communication needs, mental health and personal circumstances should be properly considered.
Early intervention should not be a luxury. It should be part of protecting young people from reaching a point where their circumstances can have life-changing consequences.
We Must Listen Before Crisis
As a mother, I do not believe that every problem can be solved by one organisation or one professional. But I do believe that better collaboration, earlier intervention and greater understanding could make an enormous difference.
Behind every statistic is someone’s son or daughter.
Behind every diagnosis is a human being with hopes, talents, fears and dreams.
And behind many of these young people are parents who are quietly fighting battles that the outside world may never see.
I am sharing my story because silence does not create change.
I want other parents to know that their experiences matter.
I want neurodivergent young people to know that being different does not make them less valuable.
And I want decision-makers to understand that families should not have to reach breaking point before they receive meaningful support.
We need to listen earlier.
We need to intervene earlier.
We need to support families earlier.
And most importantly:
We need to see the young person—not just the diagnosis, the behaviour or the crisis.
My son is more than his challenges.
He is intelligent, talented, articulate, creative and full of potential.
His future should not be determined by the gaps in the system.
Neither should the future of any other neurodivergent young person.
Our children deserve to be understood before they are judged.
Families deserve support before they reach breaking point.
And every neurodivergent young person deserves the opportunity to reach their potential.
It is time to listen.
It is time to act.
It is time for change.